I wrote a post titled 6 Toxic Habits that Most People Think Are Normal. It was the wake up call these people needed to finally let go and accept that their relationship was gagging them with a s---spoon every day. ” and “Where’s an article on what makes a relationship great? Gottman then goes back and analyzes the conversation frame by frame looking at biometric data, body language, tonality and specific words chosen. Since writing it, it’s generated a staggering amount of thank you emails, and no less than 20 people notified me that it inspired them to end their relationships (or even in a few cases, their marriages). Sweet.) But the article also elicited a lot of questions like, “So if these habits ruin a relationship, what habits create a happy and healthy relationship? I didn’t want to just make it a (yet another) “learn to communicate and cuddle and watch sunsets and play with puppies together” type post. These are normal, everyday relationship issues that don’t get talked about because it’s far easier to talk about puppies and sunsets instead. This article explains how traits that don’t fit our traditional narrative for what love is and what love should be are actually necessary ingredients for lasting relationship success. Gottman devised the process of “thin-slicing” relationships, a technique where he hooks couples up to all sorts of biometric devices and then records them having short conversations about their problems.
Disagreements in a relationship are not only normal but, if constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship.
It is inevitable that there will be times of sadness, tension, or outright anger between you and your partner.
Are you a little unsure as to what is ok and not okay to do in a relationship and when?
Let me give you some insight as to what most guys are expecting to happen.
While the early months of a relationship can feel effortless and exciting, successful long-term relationships involve ongoing effort and compromise by both partners.
Building healthy patterns early in your relationship can establish a solid foundation for the long run.
The source of these problems may lie in unrealistic/unreasonable demands, unexplored expectations, or unresolved issues/behaviors in one partner or in the relationship.
Resolving conflicts requires honesty, a willingness to consider your partner's perspective even if you don't fully understand it, and lots of communication.
I’ve been spending some nights at your place and vice versa so I’d love for you to leave some clothes and a toothbrush at my place.
I want to see you with sweatpants and no makeup on!
Granted, I have far more experience screwing up relationships than making them work well, but I still wanted to take a stab at a “healthy relationship” post. If you love your partner, you shouldn’t have to be told to hold hands and watch sunsets together. Things like the role of fighting, hurting each other’s feelings, dealing with dissatisfaction or feeling the occasional attraction for other people. That article explained that many of our culture’s tacitly accepted relationship habits secretly erode intimacy, trust and happiness. Not only has he been studying intimate relationships for more than 40 years, but he practically invented the field.